Life puts us through a lot on an all too regular basis. Most of us have experienced at least one highly traumatic situation within life, though most likely many more than one. It is situations like these that provoke significant growth and changes, altering your life course permanently. If you were to sit down and assess where you are right now, all of the pieces of your present life puzzle, most likely one or a few of the roots derive from a highly negative and difficult past experience. People don't typically change if life is going swimmingly. Change most often happens as a result of situations that cannot be controlled. It is therefor amazing how so many great things can come out of some serious crap. Humanity's love of both past and future can make it very challenging to look objectively at the present moment and appreciate it for what it is. 

But growth is good, right? Regardless of the situation that provoked it, growth is always positive. My work, whether it is coaching or readings, supports people in moving forward and making positive changes that more accurately reflect their positive Souls. These positive changes are the result of a lot of effort: assessing what created the negative habits and slowly adjusting the patterns and habits to eventually realign themselves. But at the end of it all there is one final and very difficult step that needs to be accomplished in order to seal the deal: letting it go. This might be the hardest step of all- the view of a positive lifestyle inspires growth and it's easy to call it a day once you get there. I have seen too much success get stinted because the successor is still clinging onto the past pain. Sometimes this past pain is worn with pride, like a scar, to show off what happened and how far the person has come as a result. Though this is seemingly a good thing, it is so limiting. An unwillingness to let go of the past links you to a very negative situation- it doesn't matter how you are using this negative situation. It is like running with weights around your ankle, yes it makes the victory more brag-able, but it also creates unnecessary strain. Failure to let go of the past also displays a great deal of distrust in self. You can't ever forget the wrongs that you have done or experienced because then you might encounter/do them all over again. A lesson only needs to be learned once, so let it go. You will never forget the lesson, so why do you have to hold onto the pain that came with it? Think about it this way: if you have a fishbowl and for every negative situation you put in a red marble, and every positive situation you put in a blue marble. Well if every negative situation you experience you put in a red marble and a positive result comes out of it enabling you to put in a blue marble, then your bowl is going to be full with equal parts red and blue. Therefor until you are able to begin letting go of the negative catalysts, your life will be equal parts negative and positive despite all of the positive results.

I could write on and on about what will happen if you allow too much past negativity to fester in that fish bowl, but I would like to avoid spending too much time on the negative. One of my favorite parts of both the Soul Profile and Higher Purpose Reading are the Life Themes. As I have gone through other's life themes I have learned a lot about what they mean and how they help us to grow. One of my favorite themes that occasionally pops up and I highly relate to is Forgiveness. It is important to remember that we must look at these themes from all angles. Forgiveness is so much bigger than  telling someone that what they did was o.k. Forgiveness is the knife that breaks the bond connecting you to a highly negative situation or person. Forgiveness says that you are moving on and letting it go. This does not insinuate that what happened was at all alright, kind, just or anything along those lines. It also does not insinuate that the person/people involved are now innocent people with gleaming Souls. The thing is- both of those insinuations are neither your problem nor your karma. Remember, you cannot control what is done to you, you can only control your reaction. What a better reaction than to look at a really bad thing and tell it that it isn't going to control your life any longer. This is what forgiveness does for you. Forgiveness is the ability to look at the situation/person very, very honestly and get clear on the affect that it had on you in the past, but let it go so that you may once more be the commander of your own future. True forgiveness is possibly the most liberating experience we could ever have, cutting ties forever from the situation in the past. Similarly, remember that because this situation lays in the past there is absolutely nothing you can do about it any more. Your present decisions are of your own choosing and when you forgive the situation and thus let it go, you regain 100% of that power. Whether or not you allow the person on the other side of this situation to continue to remain in your life is also entirely up to you- which is why I say that forgiveness does not necessarily tell the person involved that all is good. Forgiveness allows you to say, "I am forgiving what happened so that I may move forward with my life with greater awareness of who you are and what is possible when I am not doing a good job of placing my own wellbeing first, and because of this awareness I am choosing (or not choosing) to allow you to remain in my life." If you do allow the person to remain within your life then you also are giving the relationship a clean slate for a fresh start. This clean slate is not the same clean slate that the relationship first began with, this is a clean slate with newly refreshed software of all the lessons that you have learned from each other in the past. The software on this clean slate does not (luckily) carry within it the damaging viruses of resentment and guilt from the past... forgiveness cleans out the software. As I say in my clearings, "release the pain but hold onto the lesson."

If you can master the theme of Forgiveness once you will no doubt find the value in its healing powers and apply it many times over in your life. There are so many situations that each individual has not fully forgiven, many of them just get covered up over time as life continues until one day it becomes glaringly obvious that there is a gaping wound yet to be healed. We as a society have so much potential to grow together if we can foster our presence through forgiveness of the past. At the end of the day it absolutely does not matter what was done to you, what matters is how you are allowing this pain to limit your own present & future. What kind of future do you want? What ideals matter most to you? These experiences are presented to us so that we may walk the talk, honor our ideals and maneuver our way through in a positive manner. I truly do not believe that tough luck comes our way just to hold us back, but instead it comes to us so that we can put our words into actions and grow stronger and wiser. This is absolutely not an easy thing to accomplish and most likely if you are in the middle of a difficult time you don't even want to read what I am writing right now, but when the dust starts to settle and it's time to carry on with life then it is worth it to take another look at this theory. The sooner you can stop focusing on the pain, the faster you'll be able to grow the light within you. The easiest way to remove the pain is to grow the light. 

Interested in your Life Themes? Schedule a Soul Profile or Higher Purpose reading with me! You'll learn about your Soul Group, specializations, life themes and much, much more!

There is something so earthy and wonderful about relationships- the physical interactions and emotions add a special flare to our physical existence. They're everything we could ever dream of and everything we wish to avoid in life, often all rolled into one. They make us feel both loved and alone, powerful and weak, passionate and apathetic. They make us human. It's hard not to go through a relationship and not wonder, "why?". Why this person? Why now? Why is this happening? Based on my Higher Purpose Readings and Relationship Readings I have drawn some of my own conclusions.

For starters, why did you get into a relationship with this one person? Well, there are lots of reasons. Our Souls have journeyed through existence for a very, very long time which includes many physical lifetimes. There is a good chance that if you are meeting an individual and you feel particularly connected, it is not the first time meeting them. There may be past lives of relationships, interactions, good karma and bad (or a combination of the two). Typically when there are multiple past lives together there are already some set patterns and habits within the relationship between the two Souls, this is karma. This means that roles, opinions and qualities from past life relationships may carry into this life and when you and this other person encounter a specific situation there may be a very specific reaction as a result. If it's a good reaction likely that is the result of good karma, if it is a bad reaction it is likely the result of bad karma. I have found that bad relationships can be one of two things: two good people connected by bad karma or one (or two) bad person (people) connected by bad karma. But as you know, karma is finite and can always be altered. You must just change the pattern, habit or reaction. If it is a relationship of two positive people bound together by negative karma, then upon releasing and realigning the karma a huge amount of pressure is also released from the relationship and the participants can once more enjoy a positive coexistence. If there is negativity existing within a relationship it is best to first address what actions and reactions are occurring and whether or not they can be altered to honor your highest intentions. 

Sometimes you can begin a relationship with a Soul for the very first time, this is likely the result of the "mirror affect." Chances are this person holds some grouping of qualities which mirror what you have or do not have and are seeking. Think of some of the relationships you have been in, especially the ones that lasted for a limited period of time. Most likely there was a very specific situation that drew you to that individual, a quality that you wanted to invite into your life, which sparked the relationship. Your example, you are going through a death in the family and as a result you end up in a relationship with someone who is seeking to look after you. Or you are in a new place and connect with someone else who is adventurous and exciting. You are likely attracted to an individual who's qualities fit into your current life situation. This can eventually fade when your life normalizes, or this situation may become the new normal and the relationship suits your new life indefinitely... leading me into my next point: why do relationships end? 

The idea that relationships wouldn't end is actually quite terrifying. Your Soul is ageless and will continue on into the ages. Of course relationships end, but this "end" might be limited to this lifetime. The point of a relationship is to support the growth of the Souls involved. This growth comes from good times and bad. When addressing specific relationships within a Relationship Reading I ask the question, "What lesson(s) does this relationship support for this individual?" Maybe the relationship is supporting Love or Independence or Determination or Surrender or a million other themes that the Soul may be working on in this lifetime. The two Souls involved might go through specific circumstances which provoke this theme within the individual's life. There will likely come a time when the Soul has completed its theme and learned its lesson, at which point the relationship has served its purpose. Does this mean that the relationship needs to end? Absolutely not. But it might and that is OK too. Once the relationship has served its purpose the two participants can either stay together for the joy of it and continue to explore their existence together or move on to explore new relationships and lessons. The point is more to impose the fact that it is also perfectly OK to allow a relationship to end. I believe that many relationships have long since expired but humanity hangs onto the bones of them out of a sense of duty or penitence. I do not necessarily believe that either one of the above answers are better, just that if the relationship continues then it must be because it is supporting forward motion, otherwise it is technically a negative relationship (negative is anything that does not move forward, even if it is just standing still). Let's be real- ending a relationship is never easy, even when both parties know that it is for the best. Beyond the relationship is the needs of the individual Soul, and if the Soul is in a negative relationship then it is limited in its ability to grow. 

Another facinating relationship topic that is a crowd favorite is that of Soul mates and contracts. Despite the idealized glory of Soul mates, it's less than ideal. A Soul mate contract is when you bind yourself to another Soul for indefinite lifetimes- so although that might mean meeting someone who you feel deeply connected with, it also means being bound to that person forever and ever, for better or worse and death does not part. For obvious reasons, this can be incredibly limiting to the two Souls involved, though oftentimes one of the Soul's is negative and using this contract as a way to stay connected with a positive Soul and positive source of energy. 

The final piece of the relationship puzzle to discuss- which comes up in readings more frequently than I believe most people are comfortable with- is affairs. Almost every affair I have covered within my work boils down to one major theme: denial. Denial of the truth, denial of acting upon truth, denial of passion. This denial can either be denying the relationship you are in, or denying what it is that you are seeking and unwilling to own... or a combination of the two. Sometimes the person having the affair is in a negative relationship but cannot bring themselves to end it for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes it is because the person is in general denying their true love, passion and calling and this affair is a way to bandaid the lack of passion with the wrong kind of passion. Typically when an affair comes up in a reading as a past life situation it is to let the client know that there is something in their life that they desire (rightfully so) but are denying it out of a sense of duty or guilt. Sometimes, though I believe less frequently, an affair can be stimulated by a meeting with an old Soul friend, a love from a past life. I think it is very important to understand though that just because there exists karma from a past life, does not mean that you need to act upon it. People like to chalk things up to karma, but free will is always king and just because there is a past habit/relationship there does not mean that you need to act upon it. All that this action means is that you have not learned. Rule of thumb: which action will honor your highest path and truest self? This does not mean denying your passion but it does entail doing so in an honorable way. 

Relationships come and go and in the meantime teach us so much. Yes, it would be lovely for them to last a lifetime, but that is never and should never be the point. A perfect relationship is one that supports both Souls in learning and growing and leaves nothing but good karma- time specifications do not exist. Life fearlessly and full of love, never be afraid to follow your higher path, if it is a positive relationship it will support you through that process. Always remember that we are who we are largely as a result of the relationships that we have let go, learn from that and hold gratitude for all of the strength and growth that the relationship- both in life and death- provoked within you. 

Please note: life is a matter of belief, proven or not, these are my beliefs and they will only become your beliefs if you choose to take them on yourself... the choice is always yours.

I recently hit a few big life mile markers- turning 30 and getting engaged- and while most people hit these moments with every extreme emotion under the sun, I mostly felt curiosity (and curiosity about feeling curious). It is the emotion I have been bringing into more and more moments of my life: curiosity.  As I turned 30, it occurred to me all of the things that I perceived 30 would mean, these assumptions were largely adapted since childhood of seeing my "elders" turn thirty before me. Over the last few months it has become clear to me what a joke life is, I mean that we should be laughing at life, not panicking about where we are versus where we thought we should be. Life happens, each day unfolds and as the unfolding happens we make certain choices, these choices lead us into tomorrow. What matters most is whether or not these choices honor who we are and the greatness we are seeking. I believe far more issues are created when the choices made as a result of what it is presumed that a 18, 20, 25, 30, etc year old should be doing. We make such grand expectations over how life should be, but experience tells us time and time again that it is foolish to expect anything, rather enjoy every day as a blank slate.

Although I believe most of us know this, we still can't break free from the mold that society has put us in. Just think about all of the things we "think" we should do (and when) such as getting married, career choices, earned income, children, the list goes on and on and on. All I ask is why? The week leading up to my 30th birthday this was all I could think of. I was laughing regularly at many different pictures I held in my mind of what 30 would look and feel like, yet there I was, still me, feeling not too far away from the day I turned 10 and for that I was extremely grateful. Age matters little, the experiences of the ages matter a lot. Regardless of being married or not I have learned so much about what it means to interact with another human being. Regardless of having my finances in perfect order I am able to pay my bills and I love the work that brings me that income. Regardless of having the house that I imagined would be perfect, I have come to love each place that I lay my head regardless of the walls around me. It seemed so silly to stress about the number instead of making the most of the time we do have. I don't want to wait until I'm 60 to begin contemplating the fullness of my life, I might not make it that far. 

This isn't to say that you shouldn't have goals or intentions, this is more to address the broad spectrum parameters that we put on our lives without even realizing it. Maybe I will have children, maybe I won't. Maybe I will make lots of money, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll spend the rest of my life in one town, maybe I'll move every few years to a new state. What difference does it actually make? And why are we assuming that one is better than the other? It is amazing how many times in life I have gotten myself into a situation I always said that I never would get into and ya know what happened? Nothing. I lived just as well as I did every other day of my life. Rock bottom can come in many shapes and sizes and it is only as awful as we in our minds make it out to be. Ultimately rock bottom is just another place, another day, just like the top of the mountain is just another day. Even as a child I hated when people would refer to moments as the "best of your life"- i.e. the college years, your wedding day, the early stages of a relationship. How awful of a mindset is that? You mean to tell me that it's all be downhill from here? This obviously isn't true but when we build these beliefs into our consciousness they become true. These beliefs simply do not give our lives the credit they deserve. Yes, college is a great time and I'm sure my wedding day is going to be magical, but today is pretty damn amazing too because I get to do the work I love, spend some time out in the sunny day and eventually enjoy a homemade meal with my sweetheart. How lucky am I? How lucky are we?

As mentioned previously, we all know that we shouldn't place so much expectation on life- shit happens on the regular. So, why do we do it then? We can tell ourselves all day every day to break the expectations but it'll only begin to happen when we become more present. I am supremely grateful to my Yoga practice and my Akashic record work for helping me to fully grasp both presence and the awareness of our ever-living and evolving Soul.  One of the main points behind the Yoga tradition is to support mental presence as a way to live a better, higher life. My study of both Buddhism and Yoga remind me that the goal is to experience life with as little attachment as possible- passing through each day freely so that I make take it all in to the fullest, learn and move forward without excess thoughts and emotions clinging on to me.

How does this translate onto the mat? Well we are intended to use our physical practice (what westerners consider "yoga" to be- the poses/asanas) as a way to overcome our minds desire to latch on. Each pose challenges the body to stretch, hold and strengthen in a variety of ways- these challenges are less than comfortable. When we put our bodies into situations of discomfort our mind begins to tailspin through thoughts and emotions that fight the discomfort and attempt to find a way out of it- our nervous system goes into overdrive. The goal in the asana practice is to use our breath to become present, connect deeply with this discomfort and move beyond it. On a physical level the breath relaxes the nervous system which in turn enables the body to relax and submit to the process you are putting it through. This is life- we experience lots of discomfort, we must learn to walk through it not run from it. If discomfort is inevitable, when why can't we approach it with the same attitudes that we bring to every other "inevitable" in our lives? One of my absolute favorite quotes from the Dalai Lama I believe explains it best, “Our attitude towards suffering becomes very important because it can affect how we cope with suffering.”** So we practice and this practice begins with the breath, in the mind. We put ourselves into difficult poses, we breath, we slow down enough to let the mind know that there is greater power in joy than there is in fear. When the pose becomes more than we would like to bear but we are required to carry on for another minute we can welcome in a whole new conversation in our minds: one of patience, amusement, curiosity. I often laugh when practicing, that is my go-to response in my least favorite poses. I am laughing at how miserable the pose turned out to me, despite my prior expectations. This practice forces us to build trust in ourselves and our path- yes this pose is no fun, but we know that we can make it through. Similarly: yes this point in our lives is no fun, but we know that we can make it through. This is neither better nor worse that our favorite poses (or moments in life) because both are leading us forward to the next. 

The more I have practiced Yoga the more easily I can connect with the moment- recognizing equal value in the good as well as the uncomfortable. These lessons have enabled me to bring a greater degree of curiosity, rather than expectation, to each and every day of my life. Although I do have many plans for myself, I am continuously practicing presence so that I won't get too caught up in the picture I have painted in my mind... And when I do realize that I have done just that (painted the picture then become disappointed) I also laugh, because even as I speak of what is best I can appreciate my own failures in meeting the expectations of what is best. The more I am able to be free of constraints, the more I am able to openly enter into each moment and allow for the opportunities to be presented to me. The less I look for the perfect moment, the more I can find appreciation this moment. 
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**Don't get caught up on the term suffering- it can be used to describe any uncomfortable, less-than-ideal situation we have gotten into

Love. It's all we need. It's all anyone talks about. It makes the world go round. There's so much that has been said about it and yet so much left unsaid. Typically when considering love we consider relationships and the love that exists (or doesn't exist) between people. We are here to experience life in the context of the world we live in and this is largely the result of our relationships. The relationships we have with people shape so much of our lives- this isn't just the obvious relationships, but the momentary ones we create with the person checking us out at the grocery store, changing our oil, or serving us food too. As important as relationships are I believe they have grown to claim all the fame within the shape of our lives. I think of relationships as shells, external aspects of life. What are these shells covering? Ourselves, of course. Although we are here to experience life in the context of the world we live in, ultimately it is still our lives we are experiencing. That is to say that at the heart of life is us, our Soul. We are the core of everything, our relationships are the shells that are built based upon that core, they are the reflections of that core. Because relationships are reflections, we are limited in how much direct control we have over the way they look. If we want to change the outward appearance of our relationships we must change the inward appearance of ourselves. 

We as humans tend to be overly focused on the end result, even when we are trying to change the end result we are staring entirely at the end result.  Rarely do we step back and look at the beginning steps, even the roots and inspirations of those beginning steps- probably because it is less glossy and interesting than the end result. It seems to me that it is very difficult to make profound changes if we are only looking forward and not looking inward. Before moving forward, before even making the plans of moving forward we must not only assess where we are, what we do and don't like, but also we must bolster ourselves up with love. If we are at the heart of life, then love must be at the heart of us. 

The context of love is more often than not one which is shared between individuals. Time and time again we fail to see that we are nothing if we are not love, self love, Divine love. Self Love is the ability to see who we are, who we could bet, who we have been and choosing to accept it all anyway. Cultivating this deep sense of love takes constant practice and in general a major overhaul of the modern mindset. Society has trained us to put the entire world first and if we don't we are selfish. Religion has taught us that serving the world is the greatest way to serve ourselves. I don't necessarily disagree with these thoughts- but I believe the translations have been skewed. We are apart of the world and as such we must interact with it (and those in it) with respect and kindness, treating others as we would like to be treated. But nobody is telling us how we should be treating ourselves. We are so focused on doing right by others that we have forgotten to do right by ourselves. This has again left us with a very external focus, avoiding and ignoring what is going on beneath the shell. This also creates highly conditional love: we love because it is the right thing to do, not because it serves our soul. 

I am calling for a soul-centered existence! I believe that if we all hit the stop botton on "serving the world" and stepped back, immersing ourselves in deeply passionate love for self we would in turn get an incredible world- far kinder and more respectful than the original one. When we love ourselves fully we want nothing more than to interact with everyone- not because we should but because it feels so much more gratifying to share this love with everyone around us regardless of the conditions. We must trust ourselves enough to stop loving the world and start loving ourselves, knowing that when we reverse the order we will become better members of the world community. 

If relationships are the direct reflection of our internal condition, and we filled ourselves internally with love then our relationships would adjust accordingly. What would this look like? Well, for starters we would foster healthier, kinder relationships. We cannot control many of our relationships, but we can control what we bring to the table within the relationships that we engage in- so if we only fill ourselves with love and kindness, then that's what we would bring to the table. This love for self enables us to be more compassionate and accepting of ourselves and when we are genuinely accepting of our own perfections and flaws it becomes effortless to be accepting of others flaws and perfections as well.

Unfortunately I believe this is more challenge then words allude to. Even when considering kindness to self, it is highly likely that the immediate reaction is to consider this kindness in the context of another. This shift in mindset takes continuous nurturing to reset the way we look at all relationships and more importantly to reset the relationship that we hold with ourselves. It's about constantly taking a moment to check in and see how well we are feeling about our lives. When it comes to working on Self Love, it isn't about improvements or changes, it is about learning to love and accept ourselves regardless. Sometimes we need to work on improving, sometimes we need to work on accepting. More importantly, if we find ourselves in situations where we are unaccepting or critical of others- what is that reflecting from within? The only way to honestly and convincingly change this negative habit is to become more accepting of ourselves. When we can embrace how awkward, imperfect and peculiar we are then it becomes easier to embrace that within others as well.